Tag Archives: confidence

Am I a lucky man?

As I listening on the car radio, there was one of those inspirational songs that come on. Do you remember the film Marley and me? There was a song where Owen Wilson takes a break with Marley and the dog enters the sea, having the time of his life. The song in the background was a song called Lucky Man by the Verve and it does have a lot of meaning to it.

Nice and simply lyrics that you can understand. “Happiness, more or less” could be a time where you feel like you trying to brighten up but it fails every time. Could be a result of a period of depression.

I haven’t told this to many people but a couple of years ago, I was doing part time at college, had no work available through the agency and didn’t have many friends. That was a point where I felt alone, I was keeping it all in and then when I felt down one day, I had the almost almighty stream full of tears I have ever done because it was all too much and even now as a writing this, it takes a lot of guts to expression my emotions right now. This lasted for a good month in total and I tried to regain my inner confidence and refocused on college which I was successful. Those days where I felt shaken in the bedroom, being scared to go out and talking to people was like I had a ghost monitoring me 24/7 and will spoke me if I make a mistake.

“It’s just a change in me, something on my liberty”. Could this be a particular somebody that has helped you become a better person or maybe it is someone that you help and changes you in the process?

I always think that the way you talk to your parents and how they influence you in later life will become a huge impact. My parents are always very hard workers who work their asses off all day and have a strong temperament but with a soft side as well. How they adapt to different situations and their experiences from school, work and other bits and pieces.

Some impacts could well be from friends or other people you may well known. Probable secondary school with Mr Taylor for the last two years was a true inspiration and an especially nice person to talk too. Mrs Palmer who was there by my side through the primary and infant school days and taught me loads of important advice throughout.

I felt that I did help as many people as I can throughout my time, actually my ex girlfriend I did help a lot and she did change a lot as a person with confidence and enthusiasm. I still feel a lot of satisfaction for when I do get it right and gives people a huge smile on their face, especially on my postman job.

Throughout those times I have learned a lot about myself, how I can adapt to change, problem solving, react to when things don’t go your way, what can I do to help out?

“But how many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn all the love is in my mind?”

This is a moment of self belief and if you can find love in yourself, take yourself out of this pitfall of depression and feel happy with yourself, make yourself feel on top of the world and the world will shine on you (love is a flower according to ABC). Some people have the saying “you won’t be able to love anyone unless you love someone first.”

It can be pretty hard when family members or friends get you down like what I mentioned earlier but it is all about having power to say that you love yourself because in the end you come in on your own and come our on your own.

Maybe it is a bit of realisation that this relationship you have isn’t working at all and you lost that loving feeling and don’t feel good about yourself. Finding the inner peace and self confidence to make yourself better and carry on.

Probable the last year has been mighty difficult on that front as I have never love anybody so much in my life than my ex girlfriend but it was becoming harder and harder to get going because I didn’t have much help and the emotions got the better of me. I couldn’t let that happen and needed somebody by my side to make me feel better, I become nervous and anytime arguments happen that I didn’t start, I felt weak and didn’t stand up for myself. It was like I was a small kid crying and there was the nemesis making fun saying “sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart” in an angry sort of way. There were times that I have to stop the car somewhere and I tried and tried for even over a hour to stop the nonsense and make it feel better. I never want to argue, I am too much like a teddy bear and when teddy bears get thrown around, they start to break and that feels the same for me. Most of my decisions come now that will it benefit me, will it make me feel better.

I do have personnel goals that I want to achieve and I will do all I can to succeed. I succeeded in my first one as to get a permanent job, that was a good 14 months from temporary. My next one is to regain my social life again and start to enjoy it more, I may have lost some of the contact over the last year and I feel more alive now and starting to embrace life.

So am I a lucky man? I am starting to feel some energy and fun back now and doing these blogs as well as work has helped. Facebook helps as well with the chat function. So, yeah it’s a long process but I am starting to feel lucky now.

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Do you think as tired and exhausted as I am that I tackle this world head on? I may not be the best good looking, brainiest or the best dancer in the world but I am doing my very best to spend my only time on planet earth a blast. There is still loads to look out for in the future and it will be worth the roller-coaster ride.