I am autism

autisticallypressed

You speak and everything is in slow motion.

Yet nothing sounds clear .Your words sound like a robot through my ear .

You send instruction and await my behavioral composure in favor of what you’ve asked .

And I fail Everytime because words hit my ear and enter my mind the unscramble is a task .

No I’m not disobedient !

Yes I hear you ! My ears are not deaf ! Don’t scream ! No loud noises no loud noise I rock back and forth.

My thoughts are constantly rearranging as they flow from your mouth to my ears .

But in conversation you await an answer never knowing my mind is unscrambling the puzzle of your words to find it’s proper context .

It’s too late they are all irritated with my pace

Stop it i am not demonstrating incompetence .

I plead for your patience

I can’t…

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6 thoughts on “I am autism”

  1. I teared up at this, knowing that this is what my boy must feel….must go through everyday. Gosh, now I’m crying. I feel so helpless. My little boy is trapped in his own mind. I know he’s young, but seeing everyone talking to their child and communicating and I can’t. It breaks my heart. 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I comprehend your emotinal state I was non verbal for a year . I don’t talk much unless it’s concerning the things in my head and my family struggles with it I can see but are learning with me . I can relate to them and other people through books and music and it helps me understand your sadness too . You are a strong parent .

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you. I need to meet and talk with more people like you to understand. Are you trapped in your head? Or do you just not speak because you don’t want to? I’m trying to understand if speech is just difficult or just something he’s uncomfortable with. You know you’re loved right? That’s my worst fear. I’ll get over the not talking if I knew that he knew how, he just doesn’t want to. I feel like I’m failing him as a parent. If I knew, I wouldn’t be so worried. I’d be accepting.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am trapped in my head but I do speak . The only time I do not comprehend at all is when I’m having an autistic fit it’s as if I hear no spoken words which often looks to others as me being rude or disobedient , I can’t speak for you son but it could be that it is difficult for him it is very difficult for me because it’s already a puzzle but in that moment the puzzle becomes a fast hard storm ,fire explode boom lots of energy ,no thought comprehension and all thoughts are together instead of in context , you are not a failure my mom felt like that when I stopped eating and my dad felt that way when I stopped speaking but it’s work where as for other people it’s just normal I have to intensely listen and then try to get context and then it turns into my mind breaking down if what the person said holds logical reasoning and I can’t stop thinking until it fits my puzzle . So sometimes I’d rather not speak at all . You are not a failure , autism seems to be a lifetime journey.

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