Oops, My Aspergers Is Showing! By Kimberly Tucker 

There are certain things “never to be spoken of” like Voldemort’s name in the Harry Potter series. 
But who gets to make the rules in real life as to what is okay to speak of? As to what is allowed to be frowned upon? 
 I will preface this purge by saying I’m a person that feels hobbled some of the time by the diagnosis of Aspergers and Selective Mutism. Don’t get me wrong, I fully embrace my whimsy, my attentiveness to details and beauty, my insights, my immersion in fascinating topics, my uniqueness too…
However- if you are neurologically “typical,” (NT),

Imagine FEELING deeply, but there are some people who don’t think you’re affected or that you notice, or that you are real or that you feel at all- because they don’t see it. 
I’m telling you: There is such a thing as feeling in a way that is delayed (by minutes or even weeks or more- depending on how weak or strong the processing is). This means the emotion isn’t SHOWING at the “appropriate” time frame. But it’s appropriate, entirely appropriate for some folks like myself. Just accept that not everyone is like you. And that there is nothing truly so odd about it. If you care to put it in perspective. I do this every day after all: accepting not everyone is like me. 
Diversity is the factor- it is why human beings came about in the first place! 
 Imagine too, a marionette with the strings cut. I am not saying I am puppet like, I am thinking of connections, of the strings used, of the hands that operate the connection to give the limbs the movement. You can will the marionette to appear to be moving but if the strings are cut, what to do? Put in more effort; that’s what. And move those limbs yourself. 
A connection can be a bullet train from here to there, or the Pony Express. It can also be a weak wifi signal, a crossed wire or like I said- trying to operate a marionette by manually putting every limb (or thought or feeling or emotion) through the motions because the strings are clipped. A laborsome way to make that marionette appear fluid, right? Well it gets the job done even if it may appear to some people as “rigid” or “stilted.”
Getting the gist of how tiresome life stuff and adulting can get? Oh it’s mentally draining. Downtime to simply be- is crucial. Meltdowns are inevitable. But I get along fine. I really do. 
Certain things seem secretive; even taboo: like “scripts” for example and how they ENABLE a person like myself and so many others- to get along in the world. I mean a magician doesn’t like to give up trade secrets. 

“Scripts” include being what others may call ‘mimicking,’ ‘parroting,’ ‘being overly formal and/or polite,’ or ‘borrowing learned catch phrases and/or behaviors.’ And yet all of this is, to me, a very real, a very ingenious, an EXCELLENT survival tactic- indeed not only a survival instinct and coping strategy, but when decoded, a brilliant response to feeling hobbled. A self preservation mechanism. 
We all share the world and are getting by-by going with the flow, blending with the scenery, flying with the flock which at times feels necessary. 
Whether one is NT or like me, Aspergers and/or selective mutism, everyone should recognize the personhood in every person. It’s not so important that you point out that you see what you perceive to be flaws. One comment or hurtful word can unravel a person like me. 
Example: “you just don’t know how to give a proper hug, do you?” 
Well, I could say that hugs often leave my skin in a state; like big indents in my skin that won’t pop back out. 
Oh no, my Aspergers is showing!
Well what’s wrong with that?????

I’m as real as anyone else even if not everyone can truly hear or see me and sometimes it’s okay to say Valdemort’s name aloud. It has less power that way. At least I think so. Name it and some fear dissipates. But don’t throw stones with your bafflement of someone’s differentness. I assure you, if they’re at all like me, they try harder than you’ll ever know to keep their metaphorical ball properly inflated to last through the whole game. Keeping balls in the air is tiring and most of the time deflation is inevitable. You may occasionally hear or sense a metaphorical

                    ” Pppfftttlll. ”
Yes my Aspergers shows.
I’M okay with it. I ask certain people: why does it bother YOU so much?
Kimberly Gerry Tucker, author of Under The Banana Moon (living, loving, loss and Aspergers.)