it was around the beginning of last year (2015) when i started to realize it was going to be impossible to live another whole year just going through the motions. I wanted to quit my job and crawl under a rock even before i could make it to the holidays. I was due for a change but there were too many factors holding me back: First i had a Ny trip in mind so i needed the money, but also i knew that i had to make that trip because i didn’t know what was gonna be my life like after 2015, so you know, at least i’ve visited the Big Apple one more time. But more important was the fact that i felt i was at a point in my life where my future should’ve been decided years ago, what were my options? Quit my job so i can start a new one where i would feel exactly the same 5 years later, with even fewer options to escape to. So i put myself in autopilot and waited for my spring break.
I came back from NY really energized, i’m talking about around the end of April, and after the experience of having living a couple of days in an amazing city my head was more clear than ever, i needed to move to a place where i felt as excited as i did just by walking those streets. Maybe i should clarify that i live in México, my hometown is a small city close to US, with weather so extreme that in summer it can reach the over 100 degrees of heat. That heat can destroy the strongest will, you feel incapacitated, running from the ac of your car to the ac in your house, waiting for the sundown to even think of going out (no that there are many things to do over there)
I contacted a friend who lived in Mexico City, one of the biggest cities in the world, and told him i was feeling like i was running out of time and that i wanted to move there so i needed to know if i could count on him. he said yes, which made my decision more real and scary. The “what ifs” started to plague my head: What if i fail and i return with no car, house or job? What if people make fun of me for not being able to succeed in a big city? What if i am even older and no one will hire me back in my hometown? What if i throw away a life i have already started to build here…
Came July and i broke the news of my departure a week before to my family and at my work. I’m not a sentimental person and i am very bad at goodbyes so i didn’t want to leave much time to process the news to anyone, not even me. I regret that, the first month i relocated i was haunted by dreams where i would show up at my old job and apologize for not saying a proper goodbye to people who were invested and kind to me for 8 years.
I packed my bags just hours before my flight, with the easiness of someone going in a vacation, again leaving the notion that i’d return in a couple of weeks so no need for real goodbyes. Once in Mexico City i took a long vacation of four months, still not wanting to face the real challenges of moving to a strange city and try to make it work. Every time i opened the open position pages i could only focus in the age requirement, being only months away of that dreadful age you no longer are required for most of the jobs. Then i remembered the “what ifs” I felt like i had nothing to come back for but to a sad “what if i had really tried”
I went to a couple of interviews, i got a job in a new field, I used to work in a communications department now I work at marketing. It hasn’t been easy learning new things, and living in a city of millions were you only know 3 or 4 people that don’t have your back as much as your family did back home. But it has been 9 months now and the rush, the excitement, the accomplishment feeling of doing the things on your own and in your own terms, have made this whole experience worthwhile… even if i decide to come back, and only if i decide to.